today is the first day of the rest of my life
This blog seems to be becoming a journal of my thoughts that I'm unwilling to confront in any other venue, so I guess I'll continue that theme.
To keep a long story short: I'm spiralling, and it's not sustainable. I need to make some changes, fast, or I will end up in a hole that I don't think I'll be able to dig myself out of.
I'm writing this here so I can hold myself accountable and actually do this. Maybe I'll check in at some point with an update on what I failed to do.
Here's what I need to do:
- Get up in the morning, before 7AM. 5AM would be perfect: enough time to get half an hour in the gym before attacking the day. 6AM would be pretty good if I can't make 5AM . 8AM is too late if I need to get to a 9AM appointment anywhere further than Central Edinburgh.
- Exercise. I'm much heavier than it is healthy for me to be, and getting worse.
- Make a habit of checking my calendar before agreeing to anything.
- Review my calendar often:
- Short term (the next day/week) every morning, to keep my bearings with the world and what I'm doing immediately.
- Medium term (the next two months) at least once a week, to help with making plans and keeping commitments.
- Long term (the next year and beyond) once a month, so that I'm not caught out by things like EMFCamp and Congress and the other things that require long-term planning.
- Write things down. I'm a scatterbrain; writing things down helps commit things to memory, and gives me a searchable bank of things I may or may not have forgotten.
- Keep to-do lists of bite-size, approachable tasks (Take the bins out! Wipe the counters! Email $Client! – stuff like that) within easy view. Actually complete the tasks, and tick them off when they're done.
- Take quicker, more efficient showers. I don't need to look like a prune when I get out of the shower.
- Keep the Kitchen clean and usable: keep the sink clear of dishes, wash up as I make a mess – leave the kitchen ready to cook again. Procrastinating on washing dishes ends up with week-old dishes in the sink.
- KEEP. THE. FLAT. TIDY. An untidy home is horrendous for the mental health.
- Carve out a bit of space for a home office, and maintain it as such.
- Dress better. Buy some clothes I feel good in, and wear them regularly.
- Get into the habit of laundry, instead of just washing everything when it looks like I'm about to run out of clothes.
- Make a budget, and stick to it. Spend less money. Don't try any fancy budgeting tools – Just use a spreadsheet. Make it manual. Make it work.
- Keep enough emergency low-effort food in that “oh jesus it's quarter to midnight and I haven't eaten yet” doesn't mean a Papa John's or a trip to the chippy.
- Love myself. Cut myself some slack every now and then. Let myself be sad, but don't the sadness overwhelm the sustainability I want to create.
Let's see if I can do this.
The soundtrack to these words is Shortparis' single Страшно ('Scary'). It's very good, I like it a lot.